dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
