bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
