I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My feet surprised me
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