So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
