nutella sex= disaster
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
