Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
