DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
