i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
