I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
