yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
