after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
