he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
