Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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