Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
