Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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