maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
