Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
