my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My penis needs a shock collar
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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