You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
