No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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