is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
