And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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