My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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