FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
