Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
