Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He felt like a one man threesome
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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