Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
