I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
