bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My cat gives me a boner
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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