All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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