wakey wakey hands off snakey
are you so shy because you have an std?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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