I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
