I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
