he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize