do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
