pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
