She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You have to summon your inner elephant
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
