I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
