i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize