i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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