My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
