What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How external is "for external use only"?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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