you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
