Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
