"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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