i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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