is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
