oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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