I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
