Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
