I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
