I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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