Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
