No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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