but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
