No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You are the jesus of drinking
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
