i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize