this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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