Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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