and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
