My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You're like the curious george of whores
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
