we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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