first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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