I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
