Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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