I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
