I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
