My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
