i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
