Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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