dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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