Is it because I queefed?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
