Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
People in love make me want to vomit
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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