do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
