If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
