operation have a gay friend backfired
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
