Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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