I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
