Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He felt like a one man threesome
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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