i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize