Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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