Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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