The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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