Me too!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize