Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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